The Hidden Ceiling: How We Sabotage When Life Gets Good.
The Big Leap” is Gay Hendricks telling you that the ceiling on your life is not fate, it’s you. Not in the “manifest harder” sense, but in a very specific way: you have an internal set point for how much success, love, and ease you’re allowed to feel. When you start to exceed that level, you unconsciously sabotage to get back to “normal.” He calls that the Upper Limit Problem.
1. The Upper Limit Problem (ULP)
Hendricks says we all have an internal thermostat for positives (love, money, creativity, connection). When things go too well, we do something to bring it back down:
pick a fight
get sick
create drama
make a dumb mistake at work
procrastinate on the exact thing that would move us forward
He says the point isn’t moral failure. It’s that your nervous system is calibrated to “this much good, no more.” When you notice the upper limit in real time, you can choose not to act it out.
2. The Four Hidden Barriers
He says most upper-limiting comes from one or more of these old beliefs:
Feeling fundamentally flawed. “I’m not good enough to have this.”
Disloyalty/Abandonment. “If I succeed more than my family/partner, I’ll lose them.”
Believing success is a bigger burden. “If I shine, I’ll have to carry everyone.”
Outshining. “I must not be too big/smart/talented because it will make others feel bad.”
If you grew up in a family with scarcity, trauma, illness, or a parent who needed you small, this will sound familiar.
3. Zones of Work
This is the part everyone quotes.
Zone of Incompetence: stuff you’re bad at.
Zone of Competence: stuff you can do but so can others.
Zone of Excellence: stuff you’re really good at and get rewarded for.
Zone of Genius: the place where you do the thing only you can do, with ease, joy, and impact.
His main argument: most high-functioning people get stuck in the Zone of Excellence because it’s comfortable and impressive. The “big leap” is choosing to spend more time in your Zone of Genius even though it feels risky.
4. Your Genius Question
He suggests you ask some version of:
“What is the unique thing I do that, when I do it, produces huge value and doesn’t feel like ‘work’?”
Then you structure your life so you do more of that and less of everything else.
Yes, it’s idealistic. That’s the point.
5. Einstein Time
He also talks about time. He says we act like time is happening to us (“I don’t have enough time”) instead of seeing ourselves as the source of time. His reframe:
stop saying “I don’t have time”
start saying “I’m not willing to create time for this”
That puts responsibility back on you to align time with your genius work.
6. What to actually do
Notice when things are going well.
Watch for the immediate urge to create a problem.
Name it: “This is an upper limit.”
Breathe, choose a different response.
Keep orienting toward Genius Zone activities.
In Summary:
You have a success/love/happiness limit.
You protect it with unconscious sabotage.
The goal is to raise the limit and spend more time doing the thing only you can do.
You’ll feel guilty, disloyal, or “too much.” That’s the old system talking
The question for you is: where do you notice yourself pulling the plug right when things start working?
If you can name even one place you upper-limit (relationships, visibility, money, creative work), that’s the spot to intervene. If you want help mapping that and building a plan that doesn’t collapse the minute life gets good, here’s where to start →