Healing our attachment styles

Healing From Our Attachment Disturbances

Many people come to therapy seeking to improve their relationships, whether with partners, family, friends, or colleagues. At Creative Arts Psychotherapy NYC, we believe that understanding and healing your own attachment patterns is a key part of this journey. Attachment patterns—formed in early relationships—can shape how safe, secure, or connected we feel in our relationships today.

By working through attachment wounds and learning to trust, we create a foundation for healthier, more satisfying connections across all areas of life. Healing attachment issues often involves exploring patterns of fear, avoidance, or dependency that may come up in relationships. Through this process, clients can begin to feel more confident and less reactive, building self-worth and the ability to set boundaries that honor their needs.

Developing secure attachments doesn’t just help in romantic relationships; it also enhances friendships, professional connections, and family dynamics. Safe, supportive relationships make it easier to share openly, seek support when needed, and feel truly seen and valued. This, in turn, contributes to greater resilience, overall mental health, and a sense of belonging. Whether you're seeking a stronger connection with a partner, clearer family boundaries, or more fulfilling friendships, therapy can help guide you on a path toward deeper relational security.

How attachment styles affect relationships

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is a psychological, evolutionary, and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans. Your attachment refers to the emotional connection that you developed with your primary caregiver during infancy. Attachment theory, a concept pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth, suggests that the quality of this initial bonding experience often determines your ability to form relationships with others and respond to intimacy throughout your life.


Attachment Styles

When we talk about attachment styles we are talking about the type of bond you formed with your primary caregiver and how that affects you in your adult relationships. There are 4 types of attachment styles but in essence, there are really only 2. Securely attached and Insecurely attached. With insecure attachment, you generally fall into one of 3 categories: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or mixed/fearful-avoidant.

Attachment styles

Anxious attachment

Signs of anxious attachment in adulthood are:

You frequently feel worried or anxious about your relationships.

You desire emotional closeness and intimacy with your partner but also experience fear of rejection or abandonment.

You tend to become clingy or needy when your partner is unavailable or unresponsive.

You often seek reassurance from your partner and may become jealous when they interact with others.

You struggle with expressing your needs and emotions effectively in your relationships.

You find yourself frequently questioning your partner’s true feelings and love for you.

Intense emotions such as anxiety, sadness, or anger are common in your relationships.

Mixed/disorganized attachment

Signs of disorganized attachment in adulthood are:

You find it difficult to trust and depend on others.

You often feel that people are not there for you when you need them.

Being close to others can make you uncomfortable.

You tend to feel nervous or anxious when anyone gets too emotionally close.

In romantic relationships, your partners may want more intimacy than you feel comfortable with.

You experience extreme mood swings for no apparent reason.

Avoidant attachment

Signs of secure attachment in adulthood are:

You have difficulty in depending on others

You ack of support when needed

You are unable to trust others completely

You are uncomfortable being close to people

You feel nervous when someone gets too close

You feel unwilling to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable in romantic relationships, leading partners to feel frustrated.

Secure attachment

Signs of secure attachment in adulthood are:

You feel comfortable relying on others for support.

You are confident that others will offer their assistance when you need it.

You do not worry about the possibility of abandonment.

Building close connections with others comes naturally to you.

You do not frequently worry about someone becoming emotionally close to you.

You are comfortable when others rely on you for support.