Careless or Care·Less?
Our culture is productivity obsessed and often the idea of slowing down and doing less can feel inaccessible or even irresponsible. Simultaneously, experts across all fields advise us that slowing down is good for our health and leads to a deeper sense of happiness and fulfillment.
British pediatrician and psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott coined the term “good enough mother” in his 1953 book Playing and Reality. His theory posits that a “good enough” caregiver provides a sufficiently nurturing environment for a child’s psychological development, without being perfect. Within the “good enough mother” framework, the caregiver uses attunement to strike a balance between meeting the child’s needs for physical and emotional safety while also allowing for safe testing of boundaries and slight frustration for the child.
Many of us in the therapeutic space work on “re-parenting” with our clients - essentially helping clients develop the ability to offer themselves the nurturing care and understanding that they needed as children. Can part of this kindness and self-compassion focus on allowing ourselves to be “good enough” in our own endeavors? Can we, using mindful reflection, make choices about where we want to invest our time and energy and in doing so slow down and do less? Can we still care but care just a little less?
Doing less doesn’t mean that we are lazy. Or that we lack ambition. It means that we are able to set realistic expectations for ourselves (and others) and move forward with intention, acknowledging that relaxation is essential for our overall wellness. Winnicott's work highlights the importance of a nurturing environment for a child's development, which includes periods of calm and rest. By being our own good enough caregivers and allowing ourselves the same access to rest, we create a nurturing environment for our own growth and happiness.
Winnicott also emphasizes the importance of presence and attunement. A good enough caregiver is attuned to the child’s needs, providing comfort and security. By doing less and focusing on the present moment we can also become more attuned to our own needs. This presence fosters deeper connections with loved ones and a greater sense of fulfillment.
When our busyness is persistent, our minds are cluttered. We approach tasks on autopilot without the mental space necessary to generate new ideas or understand different perspectives. Rest allows the mind to wander and engage in reflection, which can increase creativity and assist in problem-solving. Winnicott believed that play and creativity were vital for a child’s healthy development. As adults, we also benefit from the freedom and space to play, explore, and create.
Winnicott's idea of the "good enough mother" reinforces what we already know - that perfection is antithetical to our well-being. Rest is essential for our mental and emotional health, fostering creativity and deeper connections. Can we take stock and not only do a little less but care a little less about doing it all to enhance balance and create a nurturing environment for our own growth?
June is Pride Month,
Who Else Doesn’t Feel Like Celebrating and Why We Should.
The Importance of Gender-Affirming Care Amid Rising Threats to the LGBTQAI+ Community.
As we enter Pride Month, many individuals find themselves grappling with mixed emotions. While the season is traditionally one of celebration, joy, and visibility for the LGBTQAI+ community, there are those who struggle with the idea of celebrating amidst ongoing challenges. This dichotomy raises an important question: Why should we celebrate when there is still so much work to be done?
Did you know the same Bill Clinton who gave us such LGBTQAI+ policy hits as DOMA (1996) and “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” (1993) also gave us Pride Month in 1999. Who needs basic rights when you get a parade? Pride Month is a time to celebrate the LGBTQAI+ community and reflect on the progress made towards equality. For us at CAP, creating a safe and inclusive space for everyone—regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender identity, or ethnicity—requires more than just good intentions. It demands active, deliberate actions and policies that foster genuine inclusion and safety. It also means highlighting ongoing challenges, particularly the importance of gender-affirming care and the significant threats facing the community.
I vividly remember the joy and triumph when New York legalized gay marriage in June 2011, and the nationwide celebration on June 26, 2015, when the Supreme Court's decision in Obergefell v. Hodges overturned the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). These were monumental victories for LGBTQAI+ rights. However, as we approach 2025, there is a palpable anxiety about the durability of these hard-won rights amidst an increasingly hostile political landscape.
Since the beginning of Donald Trump's presidency, there has been a dramatic rise in anti-LGBTQ legislation. Between 2015 and 2023, nearly 2,000 anti-LGBTQ bills were introduced across various state legislatures, with approximately 194 of these becoming law (Human Rights Campaign) (Trans Leg Tracker). This trend has shown no signs of abating; over 300 anti-LGBTQ bills were proposed in 2023 alone, reflecting a concerted effort to undermine LGBTQ rights at the state level (GLAAD). These legislative actions often target healthcare, education, and public accommodations, disproportionately affecting transgender individuals (American Civil Liberties Union) (Trans Leg Tracker). Read more about that here.
Studies indicate that 70 percent of gender-minority adults and 56 percent of sexual-minority adults report experiencing discrimination from healthcare providers. Furthermore, about 8 percent of sexual minorities and 25 percent of transgender individuals have been denied healthcare services (Human Rights Campaign). This discrimination underscores the critical need for gender-affirming care, which is essential for the well-being of transgender and gender non-conforming people.
Gender identity is an internal sense of self that may not align with external gender expressions like clothing or voice. It is vital to recognize that gender cannot be assumed based on appearance or behavior. Instead, it should be understood as an individual's internal identity, which can change over time. Asking someone about their gender is the only way to know, but even then, it is not a fixed attribute (Human Rights Campaign).
The FBI's 2022 crime report, released in 2023, highlighted a disturbing increase in anti-LGBTQ+ hate crimes. Reports of hate crimes based on sexual orientation rose by 13.8%, while those based on gender identity surged by 32.9% (Human Rights Campaign) (American Civil Liberties Union). Over 20% of all hate crimes are now driven by anti-LGBTQ+ bias. The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) has been documenting a surge in fatal violence against transgender individuals, particularly Black transgender women, who are most at risk (American Civil Liberties Union) (Trans Leg Tracker).
Human Rights Campaign President Kelley Robinson commented on the FBI's report, stating, "The rise in hate crimes against the LGBTQ+ community is both shocking and heartbreaking, yet sadly, not unexpected. The constant stream of hostile rhetoric from fringe anti-equality figures, alongside the relentless passage of discriminatory bills, particularly those targeting transgender individuals, in state legislatures, created an environment where it was sadly foreseeable that individuals with violent tendencies might respond to this rhetoric. The FBI's data serves as another alarming indicator of the state of emergency our community finds itself in" (Human Rights Campaign).
It's important to show up and celebrate, but as we do, we must also acknowledge both the achievements and the ongoing struggles of the LGBTQAI+ community. Recognizing the value and power of celebration itself is essential. Pride is a time to honor past victories, build and strengthen our community, raise awareness, affirm identities, and inspire future generations, including both LGBTQAI individuals and therapists who identify as allies. Gender-affirming care remains a critical need amidst rising discrimination and legislative attacks. By staying informed and advocating for inclusive policies, we can help ensure the rights and dignity of all LGBTQAI+ individuals are upheld.