Jennifer Byxbee 11/1/24 Jennifer Byxbee 11/1/24

Imperfect Gatherings

Creating New Traditions:

In my late 20s, I decided to start hosting Thanksgiving in my NYC apartment. At first, it was an experiment, hosting a few close friends in my limited space, gathering around tables that seemed much too small, often perched on mismatched chairs. But over time, this get-together transformed from a casual gathering to a valued tradition. Each year, friends would bring other friends, and we would fill up my loft apartment in Bushwick (back when lofts in Bushwick were affordable but lacked certificates of occupancies), laughing, sharing stories, and making toasts. There was something about these gatherings that felt important, especially to those of us who shouldn’t or couldn’t be with our families of origin for any number of reasons.

Of course, these dinners were far from perfect. There was always a bit of chaos, a burnt turkey (or maybe a few, I’m a vegetarian, not my strong suit); my cat knocking over a pumpkin pie and eating it (he was fine), and so many dishes. These mishaps turned into the memories we’d recount every year including the new people in on the jokes.

*Thanksgiving 2010? An old door as a table extender.*

No matter the size of the group, we’d go around and share something we were thankful for. Even when the guestlist reached upwards of 20, we would carefully go to each person and listen while we watched our food get cold. These moments, while not exactly original, were heartfelt and sincere. Somehow, that gratitude almost always boiled down to being part of something, feeling included, and simply having a place to be. I survived. I am here right now. We are together.

Thanksgiving became less about the idealized vision and more about what we created together. Our gatherings allowed us to reimagine what a holiday could mean, filling it with pieces of our own values, our cultures, and our personalities. They allowed me to discover what mattered to me about gathering, tradition, community, and family. My guests also were able to share parts of themselves and their culture as we wove together a new ritual. Looking back I can see all of the little repairs, and lasting connections that brought comfort at a time when we are often inundated with images of “ideal families”. It became clear that traditions don't have to be inherited; they can be created, from scratch, around an old farm table in Bushwick.

*Axle holding down the fort before guests arrive in 2018.*

There is no "right" way to celebrate. Maybe you'll gather with family or spend it solo at a meditation retreat, taking a break from the everyday stresses. You could consider volunteering, which I did many times before I began hosting myself. There are countless organizations across the city that welcome help on Thanksgiving, offering a meaningful way to spend the day. Or, maybe you'll take part in a Turkey Trot for some light-hearted exercise or even try your hand at hosting.

However you celebrate—whether with family, friends, or solo—may you find gratitude in the present moment, surrounded by those who choose to share it with you.

Jennifer Byxbee 8/14/24 Jennifer Byxbee 8/14/24

The Therapeutic Investment

Money is emotional. How we feel about it, our relationship to it, and what that all says about us is integral to our identities. Therapy is a significant financial commitment - an additional weekly expense added to our other financial obligations. It is no wonder that starting therapy can bring up a lot of complicated emotions about money (and ourselves).

Therapy = money + time that we are spending on ourselves in order to improve our lives in the future. In the most traditional sense, therapy is an investment we make in ourselves.

Therapy offers a safe, confidential space where we can openly express what is otherwise difficult to share and gain clarity. It is a process that fosters self-awareness, encouraging reflection in a non-judgmental setting. Therapy addresses underlying issues that, when left unattended, often lead to high costs in the future. Issues like anxiety, depression, and trauma can all manifest in ways that impact relationships, physical health, and work. A recent Yale analysis finds that untreated mental illness costs the US economy $282 billion annually. $282 billion. On an individual level, unaddressed mental health issues lead to lost wages, medical bills, substance abuse and so on. By addressing underlying issues proactively through therapy, we can prevent some of these costs and improve overall quality of life.

Therapy helps us manage daily life stressors and emotional issues that can lead to improved performance at work and career advancement. Many of us find that through therapy, we are better equipped to manage stress, communicate effectively, and navigate workplace challenges. These skills are invaluable in any line of work and can lead to increased job satisfaction, higher productivity, and the potential for promotions or raises. As such, the financial investment in therapy can directly contribute to earning potential, making it not only a personal growth tool but also a strategic career investment.

Therapy also helps us grow in our relationships with others. Healthy relationships are key to overall happiness and healing from the effects of trauma. Unexamined and unresolved issues around interpersonal interaction often strain relationships in our personal and professional lives. It leads to conflict, misunderstanding, and the dissolution of relationships. Often the pattern of these relational issues leads to financial losses, be it job loss, divorce, or strained family dynamic. By investing in therapy we can foster resilience and the ability to cultivate emotionally rewarding relationships that often have financial benefits as well.

Ultimately, therapy is an investment in self and when we prioritize ourselves, we can be better in the other areas of our lives. Investing in therapy not only addresses any immediate concerns but gives us the tools we need for personal growth and a more fulfilling and wealthy life.