Therapist-Client Dynamics: Affirming Care and Personal Disclosure

Is asking about a therapist's experience and clinical approach, such as their views on inclusion and affirming care, the same as personal disclosure?

Traditional therapy models often caution against extensive personal disclosure to maintain therapist neutrality. However, for marginalized groups, understanding a therapist’s personal beliefs and stance on critical issues can be crucial. In inclusive and affirming care, personal disclosure by the therapist can play a pivotal role in establishing a trusting, supportive, and effective therapeutic relationship.

Over the years, I’ve noticed potential clients increasingly inquiring about therapists' stances on various aspects of care. They want to know if the therapist takes an antiracist approach, their comfort level discussing race and religion, whether they are sex-positive, and if they are queer or gender-affirming. Clients often ask about views on alternative relationships, such as polyamory, open relationships, and kink. Often clients will not only be interested in my views or how I practice but about my life. It is my job to discern what information might help people make the best decision about whether or not I would be a good fit while maintaining essential therapeutic boundaries.

Historically, psychotherapy operated in a very intentional vacuum. Clients disclosed much about themselves, while therapists revealed very little. This "blank screen" approach, rooted in Freudian analysis, posited that therapists should remain neutral, allowing clients to project their beliefs, fears, and emotions onto them. These projections were then interpreted to understand the client's unconscious mind. For instance, if a client perceived the therapist as cold and withholding, it might reflect feelings towards a similarly perceived parent.

However, psychotherapy has evolved significantly from the days of classical analysis, where clients lay on a couch while a silent therapist took notes. Modern schools of thought, including Gestalt Therapy, emphasize the importance of the present relationship between therapist and client. This real-time connection is fundamental for growth, as humans inherently live in relation to others.

In my sessions, I tune into my present felt sense as clients share their experiences. I might notice feelings of heaviness or sadness within myself and reflect that back to the client, not only to show empathy but also to share the impact of their words. I always tell the truth. I share what I notice in me as they share about them. Sometimes, there’s an incongruence between what a client expresses verbally and their body language or emotional state. Noticing and exploring these nuances helps mirror clients and helps deepen the relationship between us.

I typically refrain from sharing similar personal stories or examples from my own life, even if relevant. My personal experiences are present in the room with me, but sharing them may not be pertinent to the client's story and could serve as a distraction. Any information I share is carefully considered for how it might contribute to or detract from the client’s therapeutic process, creating a slightly lopsided relationship.

While personal disclosure can be beneficial, it’s crucial to balance it with maintaining professional boundaries. The therapist’s primary focus should always be on the client’s needs. Over-disclosure or sharing irrelevant personal information can shift the focus away from the client and disrupt the therapeutic process. Therapists must carefully consider the timing, content, and purpose of their disclosures .

When clients ask about my personal life, I respond truthfully but also explore the motivation behind their questions. Are they seeking to take care of me emotionally, engaging in small talk, or deflecting from more vulnerable topics? Understanding the context helps me provide an appropriate response.

Questions about affirming care, however, often stem from a place of seeking safety. Very real physical and emotional safety. Many clients have experienced therapists making assumptions, misgendering them, or lacking an understanding of intersectional issues. While your therapist doesn’t need to be exactly like you to help you, it’s important to feel safe discussing race, your relationship, culture, religion, and other personal aspects. For more detailed information on how to find an anti-racist therapist, you can read some helpful suggestions at Mental Health America’s website here. For more information on finding a gender-affirming therapist, you can read this post from Very Well Mind here. 

The therapeutic relationship involves both real interactions and projections. You might feel judged by your therapist due to your past experiences, or some internalized shame. But you may also have a therapist who is judging you or assuming something based on their own internal biases. In this case, you want to feel comfortable exploring and working through the rupture and repair. Therapists don’t need to share every experience their clients have to work effectively with them, but they do need to create a safe and supportive environment. 

This is such a complex and important topic and we are only scratching the surface of it here today. For now, as a therapist, my goal is to foster a safe, empathetic space where clients feel understood and respected. That often means holding two important things at once. One of my jobs is to facilitate the client’s work towards their goals and keep the focus on them versus on my opinions. Two is that a client may need some real information about my personal beliefs in order to feel safe enough to do their work. Knowing whether a therapist is antiracist, sex-positive, or affirming of queer and gender identities can provide clients with the assurance that they are in a safe and empathetic environment. This type of transparency helps to build a foundation of trust, making clients feel understood and validated in their experiences, which is essential for effective therapy.